Mud Pretzels and Polar Bear Candy
Soon the
confectioner had found exactly the right radio station to play as he did his
work. It was one that specialized in
simulating the feeling of a hot summer afternoon in 1985 or 1986.
“So clearly
they play a lot of David Lee Roth,” Andrew laughed.
“I don’t
think that’s funny,” James replied. “And
anyway, what do you mean when you say ‘a lot of?’ That’s such poor grammar.”
“I mean a
whole lot of,” Andrew returned, getting angry.
“A large amount of something, that’s what ‘a lot of’ means.”
“Technically
speaking,” James lectured from behind the big old desk, “A lot is a
discreet number of items available for purchase, usually through a bidding
process, such as at an auction.”
“Why don’t
you go eat a Baby Ruth, smartass,” Andrew snapped.
“I don’t
eat that shit,” James shook his head, pursing his lips in a dismissive
frown. “Lately I’ve been eating Mud
Pretzels and Polar Bear Candy.” He
reached down somewhere behind the desk and retrieved a silver platter laden
with packaged comestibles, each bearing the cartoon mascot the Silly Billy
Candy Company.
“What the
hell is that?” Andrew wondered, his doughy little face looking even more
confused and fearful than usual. In
answer to his query the rows of heavy, banking-oriented books on the wall
separated and a sculpted foam realization of the Silly Billy Rock Star burst
into the room. A worldwide contest to
come up with a name for the mascot ended disappointingly, for the winning
submission came from outside the USA and suggested that the name be
“Bill.”
.
