Doubts About the Mosquito Paste Option
For years
the only medically approved treatment for bwieoufics was the swallowing of
small clown stones—up to ten a day—over the course of two to three weeks. This remedy, known since the mid-1600’s, usually
proved effective, but had the drawback of inducing false labor pains, even in
male patients. Also, with the continued
exploitation of the oceans for commercial gain, clown stones have been
increasingly hard to find. In recent
weeks, therefore, the news that an alternative course of treatment for
bwieoufics had been developed has been greeted with much anticipation.
This new
treatment, involving the topical application of a paste made from tens of
thousands of mashed mosquitoes, is not without its naysayers. One of the most prominent, Jed Fischer of the
Unsolved Crossword Puzzle Society, made his doubts known in a much-talked-about
interview with Starkum Stonewing.
“In the
Renaissance there was a thing called epidermal malaria,” Fischer claimed. “Who’s to say that we might not be inviting
the return of such a malady?”
“No there
wasn’t,” Stonewing, dressed as a child’s idea of a domestic robot, countered.
“Talking
mattresses?” Fischer suggested.
“No,”
Stonewing shook her cubical, cardboard head.
“Flightless
violinists that ate only cheese?”
“No,
no. No such thing.”
“Come on,
you can’t deny that it’s possible.”
.
